You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
