My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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