Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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