Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
