You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
