adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
