my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
