I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
