imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize