i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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