Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
