This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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