my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
