I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
