I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
