You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
