i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is not my ceiling
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
