I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
