I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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