the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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