Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
