think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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