dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
