so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
