dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A+ Viking dick
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