great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
