His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
