So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
