would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All the doctor said was why
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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