i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
