I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
