hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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