If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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