we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
