There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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