I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
