she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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