Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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