dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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