i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
