I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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