So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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