You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
