ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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