Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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