She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
MIDGETS
????
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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