I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
