So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
