I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
