Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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