things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
