i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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