I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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