peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
