Welp...herpes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
