I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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