M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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