I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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