so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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