I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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