Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
