Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
