i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
