My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
