I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
