I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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