My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
