Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
