Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
